RED PILL: Relationship Reality School “I Want My Husband Back, I’m Sorry”
Red Pills come in all flavors, topics and realities of life.
Relationship Red Pills are some of the most valuable to learn from, although they are THE HARDEST to ever swallow and accept.
SIX (6) MONTHS LATER: “Divorcing my husband was a HUGE mistake…”
It was the typical story.
She got bored.
She started thinking she was better than him.
In her own words from the video…
“In my case there was no abuse.
We were together for eight (8) years, that were mostly good and we have 4 kids.
Right around 5 years I got a promotion at work, and I got it in my head that my ex husband was “dragging me down.”
Or at least holding me back from more success and a “better life.”
I started working longer hours, and at the same time, his hours were cut, so he was at home more.
I really began to look down at him.
I really began to resent him because he was home more and he got to spend more time with our kids.
Most nights when I got home they were already getting ready for bed.
After a few months of me working longer hours it was clear to me that things were not going right at home.
Some nights the dishes weren’t all done when I got home.
Or the kids hadn’t eaten, or whatever else I could think of to be mad at him about.
It really didn’t matter.
He kept saying that he would try harder but that it was hard being home all the time.
That always made me really mad.
For the next couple years things kept getting worse.
I knew that I could bother him by always asking him to do more and acting unhappy.
I really started to resent him and I began to pull away from him.
I knew that it was hurting him but I didn’t care.
If he didn’t want to be hurt, then he could at least try to make me happy.
I used that same thing to justify when I started to talk to another guy at work.
I thought that he was just a friend, but talking at work turned into texting at home and then pictures and videos.
And then trying to sneak some alone time with him.
I knew that it was wrong but it made me feel so alive.
And my husband had not made me feel like that in years.
The worst was the time that I came home at a reasonable time and found that he had cleaned the whole house, cooked the whole family dinner and picked out a movie for us all to watch together.
This would have made me so happy a couple years ago, but that night I couldn’t even look at him.
I pretended I was sick.
I spent the rest of the night in bed while he waited on me and checked on me and even made me different food and brought to me in bed and that made me feel terrible.
And then it made me angry that he had made me feel that way.
By the end of the night I was texting with another guy.
Over the next month or two from that night it did not matter what he did.
He was wrong just for breathing most days.
He would get so upset with how I was treating him and I would just wait and keep it going until he was losing it because I knew it would happen eventually.
After most of the fights we had, he would apologize for whatever I told him he did wrong, if there even was something, but I never did.
I would usually find a way to make him feel even worse.
I knew that I was right because he was wrong and that was all that mattered to me.
I even pretended that I didn’t care when he found out about my relationship with the guy from work.
It really destroyed me inside to see him holding back tears, but I wasn’t going to let him see that.
He was at his weakest.
That was when I chose to tell him that I wanted a divorce.
I could almost hear his heart shattering inside his chest.
We talked and fought.
He said we could work through it together.
I really wasn’t interested in fixing our marriage but I mostly ended things with the other guy…
…but only because I knew I could get it back if I wanted it.
I could see that he was trying and occasionally I would let him know but for the most part I kept being a total bitch to him for any and all reasons that I could think of.
I’m not sure how much more the man could have done to make me happy.
It was about this time that I found this “support group” online and the more I posted how I was feeling, the more validation I got.
I had the whole internet telling me how terrible my ex husband was and to let him go.
I started saying awful things to him, even ignoring him.
I was so confident with everyone else’s opinion that I contacted a lawyer within a couple weeks and filed for divorce.
I continued to use this site and others like it online to validate my feelings and for encouragement to go through with it and finally it was done.
And it went pretty smoothly.
My ex husband didn’t ask for much besides to not get divorced and try to work it all out.
I didn’t care about that though.
He was broken.
But I was free.
I could do whatever I wanted without having to feel any guilt or answer to anybody.
It was amazing.
An amazing feeling of freedom.
It didn’t last though.
In the first month after he moved out, I missed garbage day three times.
There was also rarely a clean dish and the laundry sat in piles for so long…
I also never saw my kids more miserable.
My oldest had seen some of the messages from the other guy months earlier and she knew that my ex husband still wanted to try and work it out.
It didn’t take her long to stop talking to me at all except to say she wanted to go to my ex husband’s house.
My other kids all told me that they wanted to live with my ex husband too.
I did my best to try and make them happy but I ended up just buying them toys all the time.
And happiness only lasted minutes.
I also was having a lot of trouble with work because being alone, I couldn’t work those extended hours.
I finally gave in and started calling my ex husband to watch the kids.
He would always come over as soon as he could and he would always ask me if I needed anything.
When I would get home, I would find clean dishes and laundry and even dinner sometimes.
He would never say too much after I got home.
He would just say to call him if I needed anything and he would leave.
One night he took out the garbage and brought it to the curb because it was garbage night and I forgot again.
He always looked so sad when it was time to go.
Finally, after a couple months my friends convinced me to go out on a date.
It was for dinner and a movie and I was excited and hopeful.
But at dinner I started getting a feeling of overwhelming guilt.
It got so bad that ended up not going to the movie.
A week and about a million tears later I was on a therapist’s couch and I had told her everything that had happened.
As much as I tried to explain to her how I thought what I did was right, she never agreed and told me what I had done was wrong.
After about $2,000 of therapy I found out that although my ex husband had his faults, I found out mine were so much worse.
I did so many awful things that I wouldn’t want to be with me, but he did still want to be with me.
I still remember him asking me, with the lawyer, in the meeting to please not go through with the divorce, but I did go through with it.
And then later, I bragged online about how great it felt.
I was so wrong.
And now I could see it.
A couple weeks ago I went outside with him when he was leaving the house, and I was asking him about getting back together.
And he looked at me and his eyes were full of tears and a couple went down his cheek.
He told me that he didn’t know if he could.
He said that the pain has been too much for too long.
And that if we were to get back together that I might just turn around and do it to him again.
He said that he always thought that I would realize how much he loved me.
He said that that hurt him more than anything else, and that he doesn’t know if he could ever trust me again.
I destroyed a man that looking back, was a great husband.
I deprived my kids of having a great father in the house.
And I took his kids away from him, and away from me.
The one who pushed for the divorce expecting happiness and a life of freedom, spend all my free time sitting at home or sitting on the therapist couch.
Please don’t take anyone else’s advice about getting a divorce.
If your marriage is bad, look at yourself first and see if you can make changes.
Getting divorced is not fun.
Being divorced is not fun.
And seeing your husband broken and your children never happy because of your actions is the most painful experience that I can imagine.
I wish all of you well and hope that you would give your marriages a second chance.